You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
