Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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