White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
