just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
