I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
