I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
