if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
be right there i have to get my cape
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
