Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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