I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
