fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
