this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
