When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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