Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
