plz talk dirty to me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
