Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
