I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
