youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize