Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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