Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
