He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
