It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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