i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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