May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
