Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
