after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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