i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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