i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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