I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize