the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
