I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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