I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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