i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
