Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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