ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize