The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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