OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
