If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
God, I missed his penis.
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