Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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