hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
