I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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