You can't motorboat a personality
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
