I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
where are my eyebrows?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
