Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
