Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am available for nakedness
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
