This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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