I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
