this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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