do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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