Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
