so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
