meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
