They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
