He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
