I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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