We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
