OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
