All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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