someone threw a dead crab at me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
