Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
