oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
