Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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