She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
