Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize