I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
