my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
