Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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