Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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