You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
