happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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