Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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