Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
