Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize