Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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