Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
